Big Head Press

L. Neil Smith's
Number 799, November 30, 2014

You Republicans talk about freedom all the time,
but you want freedom properly licensed, complete
with photo ID. Gentlemen, you can't license
freedom. You're either free or you are not.

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An Open Letter to RINOS
by L. Neil Smith

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Attribute to L. Neil Smith's The Libertarian Enterprise

You Republicanoidss believe you won a historic victory, a sort of revolution, this month, and it's true, as far as it goes, that the country—despite the damage an enraged gaggle of lame duck Democrats can do in the time they have left—seems to be breathing a sigh of relief.

But it isn't true that you pseudoRepublicans won the election. Obama and his minions lost it. Very few if any voters actually voted for GOP candidates, they voted to stick it in Obama's eye. And if you you fail to accept that simple truth, then you are, quite properly, doomed.

You see, American voters know you and they're afraid of electing you. The instant you assume power, you start intimidating them and taking things away from them, because you're so stupid. A perfect example of that is the absolute cretin you nominated for governor, Bob Beauprez, Another is your typical attitude toward "liberalized" laws on marijuana. Colorado RINOs sipping their double martinis at the country club, despite the clearly expressed views of Colorado voters. have made it precisely as complicated and precisely as expensive as they possibly can to obtain a license to sell marijuana. You only let the cannabis reforms pass because you were salivating over the tax revenue it might bring in. Those costs are passed on to the consumer, which is just fine with you, because you have nothing but contempt for them.

Already, some troglodites among your number are trying to make pot illegal again, or keep marijuana merchants out of their precious Ozzie and Harriet communities, and regaling each other with scary stories about dope mixed into brownies, chocolate chip cookies, and baby formula. People hear this and they hate and fear you even more than they did before, because they know you. You talk about freedom all the time, but you want freedom properly licensed, complete with photo ID. Gentlemen, you can't license freedom. You're either free or you are not.

The only freedom you respect is the freedom to obey.

Read my young-readers' books, Brightsuit MacBear and Taflak Lysandra for further elucidation. They are not the fawning, sycophantic, chauvinistic, slavish scribblings of Rush Limbaugh's ghost-writers. Unlike "his" books, they're actually about real freedom.

One group in this country finally understands that idea, and you hate, loathe, and despise them for it, worse than you hate Democrats. The fun part is that you share equal responsibility with Barack Obama for the very existence of the Tea Party, and it's not going to go away. It's a viable third voice in American politics, just as the Libertarian party tried to be, when it was created by Richard Nixon's abysmal economic ignorance in the early 1970s. The LP has sadly failed, but the desire for real freedom in this once-great nation will not.The Tea Party is far from perfect—it can't seem to keep its religion in its pants, for example—but it possesses 90% of what you have only 40% of: a pure unadulterated love of liberty for its own sake.

One issue nobody gets right is immigration. A folk-wandering of geo-historic proportions has started from south of the border into North America, and you idiotically assume, like the half-baked potatoes you resemble, that this is bad news for Republicans (or that its only benefit is cheaper gardeners, nannies, and assembly-line drones). I could change the historic significance of this event completely, turn it into a new Renaissance, in a year, with a couple of million dollars. I've made this offer to GOP cowards and morons before.

Tomorrow may be too late.

How would you like five or ten million new Republican voters?

Another group Republicanoidss commonly ignore or insult is the so-called GLBT community. The fact is that you don't have to share somebody's lifestyle or worldview to struggle beside them, shoulder-to-shoulder, for freedom. We had an agreement once, embodied in the First Amendment (written by James Madison, specifically to win Thomas Jefferson's approval), that we don't make public policy based on our religious views. I don't care how many pundits claim that the First Amendment means something other than what it states plainly; they're no better than "progressives" who claim the the Second Amendment means something other than what it says, Just who is it now, that's eroding the Bill of Rights? Seems like a bipartisan effort, to me.

Finally (for now) there is no war the Democrats can start that Republicans won't gleefully fight to the utter exhaustion of the country. This has to end. Our troops, in some 150 countries must come home—they can live in your northeastern mansions until they find good jobs and homes of their own. And they can bring their guns home with them, as a constant reminder—to you—of just who works for whom. We have fought a war per generation for two centuries, for no decent reason, and it's over with you, or it's over with us. Your choice.

Freedom is coming to America, whether you and Binkie and Buffie and Boobie like it or not. This country was never meant to be run of, by, and for spoiled frat boys, and their regime is coming to an an end.

Put that in your Skull and Bones coffin and deal with it.

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