THE LIBERTARIAN ENTERPRISE
Number 542, October 25, 2009
"I am about to embark upon a new adventure."
The Conflict between Light and shadow
Special to The Libertarian Enterprise
From the Prince of Darknessotherwise known as the Warden
To all prisonersEspecially to those who are still not aware that they are prisoners!
It has come to my attention that there has been too much shady business going on here. Therefore the following rules are coming into effect.
Henceforth prisoners are warned to keep their shadows off of the prison's grounds. We see this as a conspiracy to create darkness on this compound and therefore is a violation of my monopoly to manifest dorkness in my compound. We see shadows as a reflection (or lack of) the prisoner's standing. Any interference by a prisoner in having the sun's light coming on to my compound will be seen as interference with my lights. So in furtherance of this rule prisoners will be shadowed in order to dusk-cover shadowy acts.
Prisoners breaking this rule will be ordered to sweep shadows off the compound. This job is to be completed by noon and at that time I expect to see no shadows. There will also be an afternoon shift and they will be expected to have all work done by sundown at which time there will be another inspection. All shadows will be put in appropriate containers for re-cycling as we do not wish to waste energy. This work will be done by all prisoners regardless of shade or shady past. We expect you guys to see the light here. The shades of liberty are not welcome here!
Special shadow detection lights, which work undercover, will soon be installed to detect illegal production of shadows at night. These searches will be done by Corrective Officers with corrective lenses and shades. They will use lights to detect illegal shadows at night or on cloudy days when you think that they will not be noticed. We may use searchlights as well since Corrections Officers are not too bright and have trouble seeing shades of meaning. They are but a shadow of the phantoms of fascism of before.
In the old South it was considered an offense for a person of color to allow their shadow to be cast on a white man in authority. We have made great strides toward equality since that time. So in these modern times we now realize that now all prisoners cast a shadow and so a uniform punishment will be administered to those whose darkness overshadows ours. And they say that there is no such thing as progress.
Inmates are invited to snitch on other prisoners and Corrective Officers as well in our search for the shadowy side of existence here. Those inmates who can demonstrate how these shadows are made will be considered for shadow puppets. So far we have been shown planes, birds and jackasses by these shadow shamans. We are still looking for these creatures since no beasts are allowed here except for Corrections Officers. We have an appropriation bill in congress to get Phantom jets for shadowing such creatures that dare to project their visages on our regime of light and light-headedness.
In order for prisoners not to get into trouble with shadow producing possibilities we have abolished light duty. In order to avoid getting into trouble with the authorities we advise all prisoners to go to the dork side. It works for me
(signed) The WAR Den