THE LIBERTARIAN ENTERPRISE
Number 97, November 6, 2000
Bush Defeats Gore!
"I Invented Pants"
by Carl Bussjaeger
Exclusive to TLE
Have you seen the election season Snickers commercial on American television? I don't exactly watch a lot of TV, but I made a point of catching this one after hearing about it. As commercials go, it's pretty darned funny.
If you haven't caught it yet, here's a synopsis (and don't worry; it'll still be funny when you see it): Guy in voting booth. A tiny animated Republicrat elephant materializes on one shoulder, while a Demublican donkey shows up on the other shoulder, each urging the poor guy to vote for his candidate.
I can only assume that this was written by someone with fairly strong libertarian tendencies of some sort, as neither faction of the government-approved party is shown in a kind light. The GOP critter boasts of a strong resemblance to daddy, while the Dem beastie counters with a claim to have invented everything, and the occasional demand for a kiss. The elephant ends with the revelation that he and Daddy wear the same pants, and we learn that the Democratic candidate invented pants. Then we hear the trademark Snickers line: Not going anywhere for a while?
Yeah we will. A long while. At least four years, damn it.
Face it, no 'third' party has a compacted crystalline hydrous mass' chance in the christian netherworld of getting elected to the Presidency, nor capturing a majority in either house in Congress. Which means that we'll continue to be afflicted with crooked, or even psychopathic, politicians representing the Unified Federal Party masquerading as 'Democrats' or 'Republicans'. Which means that nothing will change in DC. It'll be business as usual, as they 'compromise' the Constitution and Bill of Rights into oblivion. Another four years of one dipstick or another playing political favorites at my expense. And yours.
Let's back up to that commercial again. Snickers tore the UFP a new one, but they ignored the 'third' parties. What if they hadn't? What if they'd given everyone equal time. Not that they could; nor can I. But ...
While the UFP mascots debate Oedipus complexes, and who invented the Oedipus complex, a Libertarian Party figure would be sneaking cash from the voter's wallet as a miniature Pat Buchanan demands to see his identification papers. A little Communist ought to be insisting on a fair redistribution of the LP's illicit gains.
Fact is, the electoral process selects for the worst in people. So long as we continue to pretend to run the country this way, we'll continue to get more of the same. Exactly what we, collectively, deserve.
Nope, we're not going anywhere ... for a long while.