L. Neil Smith's
THE LIBERTARIAN ENTERPRISE
Number 92, October 2, 2000
Happy 21st, Jon!
You Know You're a Bigot If...
by Minority Mike
Special to TLE
You know you're a bigot if -- You think the malcontents who kicked the crap out of the British and gave birth to America were heroic and deserve to be remembered as such. Correct thinking people know they only did this so they could quit talking with that wimpy accent and be first in line at rap concerts.
You know you're a bigot if -- You think Al Sharpton is the "Reverand" at the Church Of Mo Better Den Thou and you wonder just exactly what it is Jesse Jackson does for a living. Correct thinking people know it's not polite to question the motives or methods of Racists and Communists Of Color.
You know you're a bigot if -- You write or read commentaries that appear occasionally at such hotbeds of dissent as LewRockwell.com, PlanetGoldberg.com or World Net Daily. Correct thinking people know that the common sense published at these websites is far too dangerous for the average American and poses a serious threat to the oh-so-delicate "self-esteem" of the left.
You know you're a bigot if -- You think Norman Liebmann blasts huge holes in the left wing's transparent wall of hypocracy with style, wit and absolute hilarity. Correct thinking people know that laughing at socialist stupidity and corruption is far too damaging to the inner-child of globalist crapspeakers.
You know you're a bigot if -- You think Hillary Rodham-Clinton-Rodham is a self-serving, untalented screaming harpy who would eat her own child if she thought it would further her facist agenda. Correct thinking people know that she's really a misunderstood victim and everything would be fine if people would just let her have her own way.
You know you're a bigot if -- You volunteered your pick-up truck to help Alec Baldwin move to Moscow the day George Bush is elected President. Correct thinking people know Alec was just upset because he saw a cat wearing fur and it gave him the vapors.
You know you're a bigot if -- You think Elton John should shut his lip-sticked mouth and put away his foreign wallet when it comes to deciding who will be the next Drooper-In-Chief. Correct thinking people know that he was Princess Diana's friend and gown swapping pal.
You know you're a bigot if -- You believe in God and Jesus Christ and are not afraid to say so. Correct thinking people know that God is just too much of a hinderance to corruption, blasphemy masquerading as art, abortion and genocide in the name of "peace."
You know you're a bigot if -- You think Spike Lee is nothing more than a Hollywood race-baiter. Correct thinking people know that Spike is black, hence, he's been exploited and oppressed. Therefore it's just fine and dandy for him to make movies exploiting black people and demonizing whites.
You know you're a bigot if -- You think the Confederate Flag is a stirring symbol of a proud Southern Heritage. A heritage that includes the courage to stand up and defy the statists who would crush any symbol of rebellion against the monster that calls itself Federal Government. Correct thinking people know that flag is a symbol of freedom from tyranny. Can't have that now, can we?
You know you're a bigot if -- You think guns are tools for self defense, hunting, and other family activities such as defending the Constitution of The United States against politicians and other assorted criminal bastards. You think the Gun Owners of America shows great wisdom and character in refusing to compromise the rights of law-abiding Americans to arm themselves. You think the National Rifle Association membership is the salt of the earth, but the leadership needs to quit wimping out on the Second Amendment. You think a lawfully armed citizen is a free citizen and the gun-grabbers are spearheading the drive to enslave them. Correct thinking people know that improperly used guns can kill people and therefore only government agents and other criminals should have them.
You know you're a bigot if -- You think Bill Clinton is an agent of the anti-Christ and you can't understand why the press won't break the story about his reflection not showing up in mirrors. Correct thinking people know that Billy-Jeff feels their pain, as well as their breasts and wallets.
You know you're a bigot if -- You think Janet Reno is a murderous federal thug who should get the gas chamber for life. Correct thinking people know the real criminals are church congregations in Texas who had the audacity to worship and think as they saw fit. Until she murdered them "for their own safety."
You know you're a bigot if -- You base your opinions on what you know to be facts and not on the government propaganda spoon-fed to the masses every night on the network news. Correct thinking people are fond of Peter Jennings' accent, Tom Brokaw's snappy wardrobe and Dan Rather's new hairdo.
You know you're a bigot if -- You choose to educate your children yourself, and you demand to do so without federal rules and regulations. Correct thinking people know it doesn't matter if Johnny can't read, they'll be the ones to decide what he should be thinking.
You know you're a bigot if -- You found yourself shaking your head in agreement with any of what you just read.