Whodunit? Wellington Webb
by L. Neil Smith
Unless you've been in a sensory deprivation tank for the last 48
hours, you know that a couple of evil young creatures entered the
Columbine High School Tuesday morning in Littleton -- a town where my
daughter skates competitively every year -- and murdered something on
the order of twenty-five of their fellow human beings, wounding many
A number of things need to be said about this event. The first is,
don't emulate the media morons by wringing your hands and asking why
it happened. There is no "why". This was a
psychotic crime for which, by definition, there can be no
comprehensible motive. Notice that I'm not
saying the killers weren't responsible. Psychotics talk themselves
into their psychoses with a staggering dedication and persistence.
Equally obvious is the fact that if even two or three of the targeted
students had been carrying competent weapons of their own, this never
would have happened -- it would probably never have begun in the
first place. These vermin were counting on their victims to be
helpless, and helpless they were -- made that way by politicians who
have plenty of reasons of their own for wanting their constituents
What? Am I suggesting that kids carry guns?
Sure. I wouldn't trust public school teachers to tie children's
shoes, let alone defend them.
I'm also invariably suspicious when spree-killers like these are
found oh-so-conveniently dead at the end of their spectacular
display, unable to comment articulately on their heinous crime or to
inform us who put them up to it. I'm even more suspicious when what
they do -- like bringing guns to school -- has been the specific
object of endless weeks, months, or years of harping from leftist
politicians and the round heeled, hairsprayed, fearmongering airheads
in the mass media.
I'm even more suspicious when the photogenic bloodletting occurs at
the very moment that the legislature is enthusiastically debating
"liberalizing" gun laws -- an appropriate choice of phrase meaning
that they're preparing to graciously permit us to beg them for their
official permission to exercise our basic human and Constitutional
rights. Following a background check, of course, along with a hearty
fingerprinting, a rousing urine test, a robust rectal examination,
and a two or three hundred dollar fine for daring to believe we're
I'm most suspicious of all, when a President best known for taking
sexual advantage of his semi-retarded employees, raping women on two
continents, stealing everything that wasn't nailed down from the
Arkansas Attorney General's office to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue,
selling his nation's military secrets for campaign contributions,
leaving a trail of dead bodies behind him, bombing thousands to death
overseas to punish us for questioning his authority, murdering 82
men, women, and children in broad daylight, on national TV, then
putting the survivors on trial and when they're acquitted, pressuring
a corrupt federal judge into sending them to jail anyway ... where
Right -- when a President rushes onto the nation's airwaves with a
statement that sounds like it was prepared hours before the
shootings, trying to turn a local travesty, one that glaringly
demonstrates the utter failure of his policies, into justification
for ... who knows what?
It's just too good. Rich kids (stir up the old class envy, there!)
with black trenchcoats (too expensive -- shoulda been a dress code)
practicing a lifestyle the media call "Gothic" (can't have that, now
-- everybody oughta look the same so they'll
all act the same), listening to rock'n'roll
(didn't we warn you about that in the 50s?), and communicating on the
internet (that tool of the Devil!) take their guns (hey, wait a
minute, didn't we outlaw guns for kids?) and their homemade bombs
(no! stop! this isn't going where we wanted it to go at all!) ...
Paragraph canceled due to lack of politically correct conclusion.
And Suspicious Coincidence Number One? Guess
who's having their national convention in Denver at the end of the
month, a few days from now?
One thing is beyond dispute. Every one of these deaths is the moral
-- and will someday be the legal --
responsibility of Denver mayor Wellington Webb. Every drop of blood
in the Littleton shootings is dripping from his hands, as it drips
from the hands of every pundit and politico who spent the last few
decades doing everything possible to render every adult within his
jurisdiction -- let alone every kid -- harmless and helpless.
This is the moral cripple who has his thugs steal your car if they
find a gun or knife in it. Every syllable Webb spoke in his most
recent attempt to suppress the Second Amendment ("Denver knows how to
make laws for Denver!") came straight from the copybooks of George
Wallace and Lester Maddox, with the modern equivalent of Bull Conner
to do the enforcing. Every word was karmically transformed into a
hollowpoint bullet speeding straight at the heart of one of the poor
children -- defenseless at his demand -- who died or was hurt in that
Those killers were acting in Webb's political behalf -- just as they
were at Ruby Ridge and Waco, for which he also bears full moral
responsibility -- because they were carrying his policies to their
ultimate end. When people are disarmed, they're made easy prey for
ordinary criminals -- or for governments. This is what we saw at
Waco, it is what we're seeing in Yugoslavia, it's what's happened in
Right now, perfectly reasonable people are asking me if it's possible
that events like this are created by
politicians like Webb and Clinton to prevent the loosening of gun
laws or to stampede the passage of more stringent ones. I confess
I've asked myself the same question more than once. There are just
too many "coincidences" involved.
The best way for Wellington Webb to dispel suspicions like this
before they come to be entertained by a wider group is to renounce
his fetish for victim disarmament, stop murdering the children all
around him, and leapfrog the cowardly, stupid, and dishonest
Republicans in the Colorado legislature by loudly demanding repeal of
every law that limits the individual right to own -- and especially
to carry -- weapons.
Let's hear it for Vermont Carry,
Mayor -- or do you like being morally responsible for massacres like
those at Ruby Ridge, Waco, and Littleton?
L. Neil Smith is the award-winning author of The Probability Broach,
Pallas, Henry Martyn, Bretta Martyn, The Mitzvah (forthcoming, with
Aaron Zelman), and 15 other novels. Order them from Amazon.com via
or from Laissez Faire Books at http://www.laissezfaire.org
or just call Laissez Faire toll free, 1-800-326-0996
From the AP:
"I hope that they will look carefully at what this country did in
banning handguns after the Dunblane massacre, and I hope we never
have to wake up to this sort of news again from America," Defense
Secretary George Robertson told British Broadcasting Corp. radio.
rate you poofters are going, George, you'll soon be counting
yourselves lucky to wake up at all. Your crime rate is growing faster
than ours, much to the dismay of anti-rights fanatics who have used
to as an example only as long as it was convenient. Well, the next
time the barbarians come knocking at the gate, don't bother asking
for Lend-Lease firearms from us. Just smack 'em with a copy of The
Times. -- Ed.
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