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36


THE LIBERTARIAN ENTERPRISE
Number 36, February 1, 1998

Al Gore's Ass-Ed Reign

By L. Neil Smith
lneil@lneilsmith.org

Exclusive to The Libertarian Enterprise

          Now that Waco Willie's smoking "gun" has finally been discovered by the socialist mass media, a feat approximately as difficult as discovering Cheyenne Mountain if you happen to be in Colorado Springs on a clear day (but then we are speaking of the socialist mass media here, aren't we?), it's time for those with a full-time concern for individual liberty to let nature take its course with the Clintons' presidency (like letting nature take its course with a side of beef in piranha-infested waters) and think seriously about what will happen next.
          While it's true that the Butcher of Mount Carmel may decide to try distracting the "public" -- meaning the socialist mass media -- one more time ("Pay no attention to the man behind the enormous, swollen penis") by blowing up another federal building or starting a nuclear war with Andorra or San Marino, the greatest danger to all of us is that he'll just go quietly, leaving us with a successor every bit as sleazy and disgusting, in his own charming way, as Hillary's part-time husband.
          Albert Gore, Jr. has stated in writing -- or had it stated for him -- that the single worst threat humanity faces in the coming century is the private automoble and its internal combustion engine. No doubt he agrees with the Sierra Club that the sport-utility vehicle is the Joe Camel of transportation. And Gore has been behind many of this administrations's attempts to censor or control the internet, just as he wants television controlled and his sappy wife has tried to censor popular music (has anybody ever seen Tipper Gore and Sally Struthers together?).
          I know nothing first-hand about Gore's record with regard to the individual right to own and carry weapons, but I'll bet I can predict it.
          In short, Gore is no less brutally fascistic than Clinton; he'll just have more time for it because he won't be putting every coed he encounters to the pork sword. Gore appears intellectually challenged simply by the task of breathing (he's often criticized for addressing everyone as if they were retarded toddlers but what that really means is that he talks like one, himself) and Tipper can trust him probably because she has to help him operate the complicated machinery of his zipper.
          Does any of this mean we shouldn't hope for Clinton's impeachment and/or self-immolation because it would ensconce Gore as an incumbent? Absolutely not. The real point is that, if we're going to prevent this ecozombie from damaging American civilization any further, we'll have to make life as impossible for him as we did (in all truth and not without justification) for the Clintons, who will probably look back on their term in office as seven years of pure, unadulterated hell.
          Just like we all will.
          I suggest opening the War on Gore on two fronts. To begin with, here is a guy who claims to have been a valorous war correspondent. I've heard differently and so, most likely, have you. It's about time that the nation heard differently, as well. We must ferret out and interview those he "served" with in Vietnam -- by all reports, mostly Saigon bartenders. Given everything else we know, I'm betting that Algore is one of those politicos with the finest war record money can buy.
          At the same time, his power base at home must be neutralized. For a long time I've meant to suggest that, since the Sierra Club (to name one example) recruits members and solicits contributions on the basis of phenomena like acid rain, ozone depletion, and global warming -- none of which can be demonstrated to exist by any scientifically respectable means -- and since they claim to want a tidy planet when what they're really after is the brutal suppression of individualism and capitalism, they should be sued for something akin to consumer fraud.
          And sued again.
          And sued again.
          And put out of business in exactly the same manner that they and theirs laid legal waste to so much of the nation's nuclear power industry.
          There's a particularly happy aspect to this approach. The "Big Creep" should really be going down ... I mean sucked under ... I mean the right reason to impeach "Schmucko" is what happened on his watch at Waco. Instead, he may be forced out merely for lying about his sexual sloppiness (by the way, how faithful would you be if you found yourself married to Hillary?) and persuading others to lie about it, too.
          Which means that Jackboot Janet Reno will retire unscathed if not exactly unshaken, the uniformed animals who actually carried out the dirty-work will go unarrested, untried, and unexecuted, and Judge Walter Smith, the marsupial magistrate who sentenced the acquitted Branch Davidian survivors to 40 years will still be sending innocent individuals to prison, instead of occupying a well-deserved cell, himself.
          On the other hand, if we can successfully nail Algore for being the watermelon that he is -- green on the outside, red on the inside -- maybe there's hope that the rest of the garden can be cleaned up, too.


Novelist and essayist L. Neil Smith is the only libertarian ever to be called a "thug" within the pages of the Libertarian Party News. He's also been characterized by a disgruntled reader as having written the "single most repugnant ... piece of tripe ... ever seen in an American newspaper." In his spare time, he's the award-winning author of The Probability Broach, Pallas, Henry Martyn, and Bretta Martyn and 15 other novels. Order them from Amazon.com through his "Webley Page" at http://www.lneilsmith.org//index.html, or visit Laissez Faire Books at http://www.laissezfaire.org or call 1-800-326-0996 toll free.


The time is past to debate the merits of "gun control". The last three decades of historical and legal scholarship show beyond any doubt that the Second Amendment means exactly what we've always said it does, and that weapons in private hands give rise to a safe, crime-free society. The only fit subject now is how much of the next three decades Diane Feinstein, Charles Schumer, and their ilk will spend in prison, having maimed our rights and endangered the lives and future of our children.
-- L. Neil Smith, in correspondence


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