L. Neil Smith's
THE LIBERTARIAN ENTERPRISE
Number 34, December 25, 1997
How It Would Have Gone Down Had The Feds Been In Charge
By Claire Wolfe
Special to The Libertarian Enterprise
[In real life: on Sunday, August 31, 1997 five freelance bounty
hunters clad in ski masks and body armor invaded a Phoenix, Arizona
home looking for a bail jumper. Only problem, it was the wrong house.
The bounty hunters shot a couple to death when the groggy residents
tried to defend themselves. Another woman living in the home was
handcuffed and hit over the head with a Mag-Lite. All this happened
while three children watched. The bounty hunters were promptly
charged with murder. What would have happened if federal agents,
rather than private citizens, had performed the botched raid?]
FIVE DIE IN "WRONG HOUSE" RAID
Feds Claim Raid Reveals Unknown Crime Ring
PHOENIX -- Federal agents wearing black ski masks and looking for a
bail jumper kicked in the front door of a house here Sunday. The
raid, which began as a case of mistaken identity, ended with five dead
and three wounded, police said.
The pre-dawn raid was the work of a multi-jurisdictional task
force, lead by the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms. A total of
300 agents from 47 different federal and state law enforcement
agencies took part in the operation, code named "Liberty Bell."
Local police said they do not believe the bail jumper was in the
house and may never have lived there. "It's still a mystery why they
went to that house," said Phoenix police Sgt. Justin Littlechap.
"It's a lucky thing we did enter that house," noted ATF Bureau
Chief Herman Goebbels at a press conference shortly after the event.
"Although we did not find the fugitive we were looking for, we
discovered that the building was the headquarters of a previously
unsuspected child pornography ring." He added that evidence of the
crime ring's activities would be produced " in due time," but that it
was "too sensitive" for immediate release.
Three of the agents were given awards yesterday, including one who
shot a six-year-old who was menacing the officers with a
high-capacity, automatic assault weapon. Two of the honored men were
hospitalized with gunshot wounds, apparently inflicted by the
homeowner. ATF authorities said they were considering promoting two
The dead included homeowner Todd Underfoot, 33, his wife Spring
Back Underfoot, 32, their housemate, Luisa Life, 46, and two of the
Underfoot's three children.
All died of gunshot wounds. Underfoot and his wife were apparently
shot when they began firing as the masked agents kicked in their
"It was attempted homicide against federal officers, pure and
simple," Goebbels asserted. "No innocent homeowner would have reacted
with such unprovoked violence against legitimately constituted
authority. Our agents properly identified themselves while breaking in
the front door and there is no excuse for the reaction on the part of
these gang members."
Asked why the raid took place at 4:00 a.m., Joseph Goering, ATF
agent in charge, explained, "To catch the criminals in their maximum
state of disorientation."
Further evidence gathering will be hampered by the fact that the
house burned down after the raid, evidently a last-ditch act of arson
committed by the homeowner, just before he succumbed to his 247 bullet
"We are confident, however," Goebbels asserted, "that we will find
the remains of their meth lab in the ruins."
Asked if he didn't mean additional evidence of their child
pornography ring, Goebbels hastened to clarify, "Both, of course, I
mean, both. This ring was involved in multiple criminal activities."
In Sunday's shooting, the agents were looking for an out-of-state
bail jumper. Phoenix police said 117 agents held Life and the three
children at gunpoint while others kicked down the door to the couple's
Not all of the deaths were at the hands of the raiding agents.
Life apparently shot herself and the Underfoot children in a ghastly
murder-suicide committed before the eyes of several dozen horrified
agents, who were unable to stop her.
Asked about earlier reports that Life had been handcuffed, with
her hands behind her back, and semi-conscious from a blow with a
Mag-Lite at the time, Goering noted, "We have preliminary information
indicating that Ms. Life once worked as a circus acrobat. And we are
virtually certain that pharmacological tests will reveal that she was
high on PCP at the time of her rampage. Some of these people on drugs
can exhibit virtually superhuman abilities when agitated."
At the press conference, representatives of the ATF, FBI and DEA
displayed the arsenal of high-powered weapons seized before fire
destroyed the group's compound. These included several examples of
deadly long-range, bolt-action sniper rifles and the bright orange,
"jet-blaster" type hydraulic weapon allegedly yielded by the
criminally hardened six year old. Goebbels pointed out its full-quart
capacity to the stunned reporters.
An FBI agent on the scene also demonstrated that the high-tech
resins used in the manufacture of the hydraulic weapon rendered the
assault weapon invisible to airport metal detectors. The implications
for international terrorism were clear.
Agents David Breakin, 45, of the ATF and Michael Slanders, 40, of
the DEA were hospitalized in stable condition with gunshot wounds to
their arms, inflicted by the awakened gang members. Both had worn body
armor. Goebbels said they would be formally presented their awards for
heroism upon release from the hospital.
Agents Chuck Scaragain and Lon Horribleuchi are being considered
for promotion "for their roles in having planned and executed the
Asked if this was not somewhat unorthodox, given that the task
force invaded the wrong house, Goebbels noted, "Every one in America
is guilty of something, so it doesn't really matter what house we
raid, does it? And in this case, through our unusually astute
planning, we destroyed a notorious bomb-making ring that evidence will
show was plotting to blow up at least 16 federal buildings in the
Asked if he didn't mean a child pornography ring or a drug
manufacturing operation, Goebbels clarified, "All three. The depravity
of these people...who were living in that neighborhood, masquerading
as normal, decent human beings...is unimaginable."
A source who asked not to be named leaked the information that
residents of the compound had stockpiled several bottles of chlorine
bleach and ammonia under their kitchen sink. Chlorine and ammonia are
bomb-making components well known to members of underground political
The source also noted that gang members had stockpiled food
"because of some vague, paranoid belief about a coming confrontation."
The source added the occupants of the compound may have been members
of a mysterious survivalist cult identified only as "LDS."
During the raid, neighbors of the Underfoots gathered outside the
compound. One neighbor was arrested for interfering with a law
enforcement operation and practicing law without a license when she
was heard to remark, "Don't people have Fourth Amendment rights
Phoenix police recently issued a department policy reminding
officers that they cannot interfere or intervene on federal agents'
business, except when given permission by the federal agencies
themselves. "Shit," one anonymous Phoenix policeman explained, "You
think we want to mess with those guys and get ourselves shot in the
back or something? No way! Our mamas didn't raise no fools!"
Bail-jumping fugitive John O. Buyer remains at large. He is
reportedly charged with several counts of federal fraud and conspiracy
for misprinting his name as John Q. Buyer on an ATF gun-purchasing
In Washington, ATF Director John McGaw announced that his agency
and the FBI are jointly investigating possible links between the dead
gang members and shadowy, racist militia organizations.
McGaw said he expects the group's connections with violent
right-wingers to become clear once agents have had a chance to
interview the ringleader and sole surviving member of the cult,
12-year-old Patricia Henry Underfoot, who is currently under guard in
the intensive care unit of Mercy Hospital with gunshot wounds to the
head, neck, chest, shoulder arms, legs, torso, big toe, earlobe and
left index finger.
Under RICO statutes, civil forfeiture proceedings have already
begun against the property of the former Underfoot compound.
Copyright © 1997 Claire Wolfe. Permission to reprint freely granted, as long
as the article is reprinted in full and accompanied by this copyright
line. Orginally prepared for the SacredBull News Service.
The late 20th century Left fawns obsessively over animals because an
animal has no intellect, is incapable of challenging their discredited
ideas, and can't say, "Leave me the hell alone and get a life, geek!"
-- Raymond Louis Drake-Tealy
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