What If We Treated Cars Just Like Guns?
By John Taylor
Exclusive to The Libertarian Enterprise
[In which, the author, having pounded his brains out arguing with the ACLU National staff over their peculiar constitutional blind spots, finally goes berserk and turns on his tormentors, lashing out in a hail of invective, wounding innocent women and children in an indiscriminate hail of assault word fire.]
You've all heard the canard from the EGGs (Elitist Gun Grabbers,
that is) about how "any reasonable person" would support this or that
gun prohibition measure because "it should be at least as difficult
to get a gun as it is to drive a car in this country"? Well, I've had
enough. I've snapped -- gone postal, as it were -- and now, I've come
to agree. I think we should institute ten rules for car ownership,
modeled after those rules we find desirable for gun ownership. Now
let's see -- where to begin.
Rule 1. Automatic transmissions should be taxed and regulated prohibitively and the import of vehicles with automatic transmissions manufactured since 1986 should be banned (we'll call it the National Flivver Act (NFA) and amend it with the Flivver Owners' Protection Act (FOPA).)
Rule 2. All automobile dealers must be federally licensed and subject to periodic, unannounced inspections by the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Flivvers (BATF).
Rule 3. All vehicle purchases from licensed dealers (by anyone other than a licensed dealer) must occur in person in the buyer's state of residence. No out-of-state purchases of automobiles from dealers, or purchase of automobiles from a dealer through the mail on consignment.
Rule 4. No one under 18 years of age may purchase an automobile, and no one under 21 years of age may purchase a motorcycle.
Rule 5. There shall be a five-day waiting period for the purchase of any vehicle, during which time the seller shall submit a federal form to local law enforcement whose responsibility it is to run a complete background check on the would-be purchaser to determine if he or she is legally eligible to buy a vehicle. Prior vehicular and/or parking offenses may be construed as grounds to deny the purchase.
Rule 6. Certain selected automobiles and motorcycles are prohibited from sale on the basis of their appearance characteristics.
Rule 7. Gas tanks with greater than ten gallons capacity will be prohibited from sale.
Rule 8. To prevent their unauthorized use by children, all vehicles should be stored with empty gas tanks. Gasoline and vehicles should be stored separately and both should be secured with tamper-proof locks.
Rule 9. The use of compact autos and motorcycles should be restricted to those who have demonstrated a proven need to operate these concealable vehicles. (Police, federal agents, and politicians' bodyguards will be exempted.)
Rule 10. The government should consider banning tinted windows, fiberglass bodies, assault vehicles (sports cars, whose only purpose is to exceed the speed limit and mow down innocent children), and certain accessories that serve no sporting purpose.
I fully realize these ten rules are no more than a good first step.
But if they save just one life on our killing streets and highways, then they're worth it.
They're a good first step.
We're doing it for the children.
There are more car dealerships in America than there are doughnut shops.
After all, no one really needs more than ten gallons of gas.
Or a 1.4 liter engine.
There really ought to be a law.
John Taylor is Maryland Coordinator of the Libertarian Second Amendment Caucus, and an excellent driver. Excellent.
WANTED: original flat black issue grip panels (not oversized wrap-arounds) for Tokarev Model 30 pistol. ALSO: .38 Super Automatic conversion kit for same. firstname.lastname@example.org or call (970) 484-6824.
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